Ang Credit Card Joke (featuring Bianca)

Kanina, sa office, natawa ako sa sinabi sa akin ng isa kong kaibigan, si Bianca. Natawa ako dahil sobrang ironic ng sinabi niya sa akin.

Nitong nakalipas na linggo, hindi nga lang ako sigurado kung anong araw, nag-break sila ng 3-year long boyfriend niya. Dahil depressed ang bata, naisipan niyang mag-mope around at mag-internet ng sagot sa kanyang problema. Sa di inaasahang pagkakataon, napadpad siya sa isang forum tungkol sa mga rules pagkatapos ng break-up. Kung hindi ako nagkakamali, tungkol iyon sa "no contact rule" pagkatapos ng break up. May isang nagpost at nabanggit doon ang isang title ng libro, "It's Called a Break-up Because It's Broken."

Dahil sa daming nag-react na maganda tungkol sa book, ginusto ni Bianca na bumili rin non. Kanina, habang nag-fifill up siya ng online order form para sa book, sinabi niya:

"Gamitin ko kaya ang credit card ni ____ para bilhin tong book?"

Aba! Pagkatapos kong marinig yung sinabi ng loka, natawa na lang ako. Ironic, ika nga. Paano kung itinuloy niya nga ang pagbili dun sa book gamit ang credit card ng ex niya? Naiimagine ko na ang mangyayari. Lalabas sa credit card bill yung title ng book at mapapakamot na lang si ____ dahil nagawa pa ni Bianca na gamitin credit card niya sa pag-bili ng librong tutulong sa kanya mag-move on.

Pakiramdam ko lang, baka ito na ang pinakamalaking joke na maaalala ko tungkol kay Bianca. Baka nga hanggang uugud-ugod na kami, ito pa rin ang joke na pagtatawanan namin ng malupit. Sana lang, makapag-move on na ang Biankikay namin para hindi na siya sad. Higit sa lahat, sana hindi rin niya gawin yun kasi baka hulihin siya ng pulis sa paggamit ng credit card ng iba.

Ngayon ko lang din na-realize: mahirap palang makipag-break. Nakaka-depress. Nakaka-sira ng ulo. Higit sa lahat at kung may credit card ka, mahirap pala na alam ng girlfriend ang credit card number mo. Ikaw na ang nawalan ng girlfriend, ikaw pa ang magbabayad para mag-move on siya. Hehehe!

The Solution, the Wall, and the Collapse of the Circular City

From the Ivory Tower, a crow named Gurulturu headed back to the Round City of Yuvarlak. The crow, the catastrophic beauty, and the circular city would have a solution that will make everybody happy. On the other hand, the Little Boy would have an emissary to the World to spread his knowledge and wisdom once again.
Like the Little Boy suggested, the crow flew to the richest suitor of Afet, the catastrophic beauty. Gurulturu picked Devrim, the richest suitor of Afet. In actuality, he is also the pick of Afet to marry since he gives the most expensive gifts of all her suitors. He also was true to his name, which meant “revolutionary.” Every three days, he comes by Afet’s house because he devised an ingenious plan of meeting his servants halfway across the city walls. Instead of taking 6 days to get back to Afet, he managed to cut the travelling time in half. More than that though, the Little Boy suggested him because he lived just on the other side of the wall, right across the house of Afet.
Gurulturu found Devrim on his horse. He was on his way to meet his servants, who were bringing a golden elephant to their meeting point. As crows can move faster than a galloping horse, he managed to land on Devrim’s shoulder.
“Good morning, Devrim!” bellowed the crow. With fright and surprise, Devrim stopped the horse and tried to shoo the crow away. “Wait! Pardon me! I didn’t mean any harm,” said Gurulturu. “I have come to greet and meet the chosen one to be the husband of Afet.”
“What devilry is this? How can you speak?” asked Devrim. As the crow was a gabber, he wasn’t able to stop himself from telling his life’s story. He also went on with the ingenious plan on how to convince Afet’s mother that he was rich enough to bring gifts and crafty enough to do it everyday of the week. Luckily, Devrim believed him and agreed with the plan.
The plan was quite simple, really. With the knowledge of the Little Boy of geometry, he told Gurulturu that the shortest path between two points is a straight line. Instead of going around the city, a suitor living on the West Crescent can just climb over the wall and visit the East Crescent everyday. Since Devrim lived on the other side of the wall, he does not need to travel far; he does not need to also reveal the simplest solution.  
With this knowledge dispensed by the Little Boy, preparations went underway. Devrim had his builders craft a very long ladder that reached up the wall and another one to help him down on the other end. As the plan was simple and effective, he managed to visit Afet 6 consecutive days in a row, bringing the most lavish gifts that he can carry over the wall. Afet was happy; finally, she her mother conceded let her marry. Devrim was also happy; at last, his efforts would bear fruit. Most of all, Gurulturu was happy since he’ll have Afet to gossip with, Devrim to discuss manly matters with, and the Ivory Tower’s friendship and advice.
With so much joy, Devrim and Gurulturu decided to celebrate. In his gold leafed mansion, Devrim ordered his servants to prepare food and wine. Because he was rich, the food flowed ever so freely from the kitchen to the table. Devrim and Gurulturu wallowed in wine, words, and loud laughter. “What happiness can cause such a commotion,” thought the other suitors, so they all sneaked up to the windows of the happiest house in Yuvarlak. From their perch, they saw Devrim talking to a crow. They heard Gurulturu speak, which amazed them so much. More than that, they heard through drunk lips and beaks how they can laugh heartily, too!
As the secret spread like sand blown by a storm, the wealthy suitors began to also device ladders and contraptions that allowed them to visit daily. With this new trend in the suitors, Afet’s mother took back her word and made a new rule. Whoever can bring the most abundant amount of gifts would have Afet’s hand in marriage. Now, it was a question of quantity, not frequency, so she made it  known to all the suitors that the judging day was to be on Afet’s birthday.
As Afet’s birthday was a week away, everybody, including Devrim, stopped visiting Afet to muster all their wealth.Others had engineers and designers build contraptions that would allow them to bring the most wealth all in one go. They built stronger, heavier ladders to support the weight of gold, diamonds, and other precious stones. Everyone was desperate to win. Finally, Afet’s birthday came. Everybody on the Western Crescent woke up for each suitor employed each man, woman, and child that can carry something and climb a ladder to maximize the amount of wealth that they can transport to the other side. With big bags, mechanical carts, pulleys, scaffoldings, and carrying cases, they all climbed the dividing wall simultaneously.
With all the excitement, Gurulturu wanted to gossip with Afet because he knew that when all these people reached the other side, she won’t have time for him until after the wedding. He flew over the way and reported in detail how the spectacle looked like. Afet and Gurulturu were so engrossed with their conversation. Devrim and the rest of the suitors were also busy in transporting their wealth. The citizens reflected the same enthusiasm that their master had. Nobody paid attention to anything, not even the wall that complained and grumbled because of the weight it bore. With a loud crack, a whooshing sound, and a fell downward stroke, the city of Yuvarlak met its destruction. Everybody on the Eastern Crescent was crushed by the wall. Everybody climbing the wall from the Western Crescent fell, broke their necks, and died.
The Little Boy, the Master of the Ivory Tower, didn’t miss this spectacle. On one hand, he was sad for his emissary, Gurulturu, was crushed by the wall. He lost his only way to make his knowledge  known to the world again. On the other hand, the naughtier hand, he was quite amused. “Who would’ve guessed that the wall would collapse? Good thing I didn’t build that wall. Ahahahahahaha!” With that final remark, the Little Boy started laughing uncontrollably. Even if he was on the top of the Ivory Tower on the tallest mountain on the top of the World, his laughter managed to ride the Winds and made all the people in the World to hear the sound of a little boy laughing.

The Father and the First First-Born Son

For about four days, there has been no movement within the Ivory Tower. On top of the tallest mountain on top of the world, the Master of the Ivory Tower, the Little Boy, was intent on looking into the past, fast forwarding, and following the life of a man that had two sons.

It seems that it is an ironic story of atonement, which captivated the Little Boy's interest although there was no magic involved in it. It just seemed so sad for a boy who was locked up on a tower with nothing to do but to look at the World beneath him, so he tuned in to this one man.

The man in this story is known as Jose. He had two sons, Joseph and Jason, which were generations apart. The first son, Joseph, was born of Jose's first wife. Shortly after giving birth, his wife died and he was left a widower; Joseph was left an orphan. In the lush land of the Philippines, this wouldn't have been such a sad story except that Jose was poor. Because of that poverty and his love for his son, he decided to go abroad, into the land of sands, Arabia, to tend to the black gold that they were abundantly extracting from the earth.

With Jose gone, the baby, his little Joseph was left alone, orphaned, not by Death but by Fortune, and lived a life of sadness and old fashioned love. He was raised by his grandfather. The old man, being old and old fashioned, didn't know how to care for children anymore save for one adage: discipline is love. While Jose was away, when the grandfather would play cards, and with no one to look after little Joseph, he was often left tied up by one ankle to the window grills of the house. There, he would look sourly and jealously at the neighbor's kids, playing and laughing their hearts out in the dirt. Sometimes, unable to help but want to be happy, he would cry out loudly to his grandfather to release him. Sadly, the grandfather had a temper and a slight case of deafness. As a consequence, the old man just ignores the little kid's cries, and if he does notice, he made it known to little Joseph through a very blunt messenger, a quick yet painful tap of a walking stick on the kid's head.

As years go by, little Joseph was old enough to take care of himself and so, the old grandfather decided to die. To little Joseph, this was cause for celebration, not because he got rid of the mean grandfather that tied him up or beat him on the head; the death caused Jose to return home and reunite with his son, who's already 17 years of age.

Meanwhile, within that 17 years of absence, Jose found himself a bride-to-be. As it happened, he was writing with a stately woman back in the Philippines by the name of Elle. Elle, as the youngest of her family, was already considered an old maid since she was now taking care of his aging father. All that kept her going were letters that Jose sent her from Arabia. Yet again, the death of Jose's father brought on another form of happiness. Elle and Jose planned to marry after a year from this death.

The fateful, happy day came. Jose and Elle were married, and it was a joyous occasion for the two of them. After a year, Elle bore a child, Jason, Jose's second first born, Joseph's half-brother. As a baby with a doting and, by this time, wealthy father, Jason received all the luxuries of life. As the first son of a youngest daughter, he was showered with gifts, toys, clothes, love and affection.

At this point, Joseph moved in with his father and step-mother. Surprisingly, this story doesn't have an evil step-mother. Ironically, the father and the first first-born son didn't agree so well, perhaps, because of the miles and years that they were apart. Strikingly, Joseph seemed to have an understanding with Elle. He never really called her "mother" or anything of that sort, but he did show his respect by calling her "Tita," which is what people in the Philippines usually calls their aunt. Joseph never despised his half-brother. In fact, he also treasured him like a real, whole brother. One day, after coming home from an excursion in the mall, he even bought his little brother a toy that sang whenever anyone presses its tummy.

To some people, this looked like a real family. However, as Elle, Joseph, and Jason grew close, Joseph and Jose grew farther from each other. Even if they were now living in the same roof, they were like two peanuts within their separate pods in separate fields in separate corners of the World. It seems that Jose didn't approve of the prolonged absences of his first first-born son. It seems that Joseph was not accustomed to answering to anyone, even to a person whom he should have been calling "father." As years went by, Jose, Elle, and Jason saw less and less of Joseph.

One night, he came home with news to tell. He came home with a woman, the mother of his child. Even though Jose didn't approve and Joseph was not accustomed to authority, they seemed to have come to an understanding. Since everything was all done, there was nothing else to do but to accept this simple section of a slice in the natural course of Life. In fact, this seemed to have reconciled Jose and Joseph. The father talked kindly to his son; the first first-born son learned to say "father."

Nevertheless, it seems that Life or perhaps, Fate was the antagonist of this story. Fate seemed to have caused Joseph to be a responsible young man and provide for his expecting wife. Fate seemed to have caused Jose to be more than a father -- he became a grandfather. With this grandiosity attached to his role and wanting to make up for his neglected son, he sent Joseph some groceries, food for the young family. On the way home to his new house, Joseph was killed.

Based on what the nosy neighbors said, Joseph died on a jeepney. A drug addict was riding with him and shot him dead. As expected, Jose mourned the death of his first first-born son. As usual, a funeral was done in the rain. As usual, life for Jose moved on because in mortal terms, Time heals all wounds.

At this point, the story got boring for the Little Boy. After 4 days of capturing his attention, glimpsing back in Time and focusing on the events that happened on 4 people while fast forwarding took too much of his energy. As he was moving away from his 4-day perch, a question struck him. "What was the meaning of all that? Why was it a story of a father atoning for his sins against his neglected son and a story of a reconciliation cut short?" With no answers to those questions, the Little Boy, Master of the Ivory Tower, started a fit. "Why, why why don't I know the answer?" It inflamed him that he doesn't know the answer; he who has been granted knowledge of everything by the Sun, the Moon, and Heaven does not hold an answer. With this, we will now leave the Little Boy to his rantings on top of the Ivory Tower on the top of the tallest mountain on the top of the world.

Credits to Deviant Art: Top left, Bound by Lidialikesgummybears; middle right, The Young by Life-takers-crayons; bottom left, Water Lady by sarasnaps.